I'm not good at stuff.

So after a long hard day at work, I figured I deserved a drink when I got home at 3:45. I had a random collection of liquors and juices so I used webtender.com's "In my bar" tool and made it pick a drink for me. All of the good ones required crushed ice. And here I was stumped.

My blender was mocking me from the top shelf of my pantry, where it's sat unused for a year. "...Why!?" you might ask. "How can someone who drinks as much as you NOT use a blender??" Well folks, this is embarrassing... but I've never been able to crush ice in a blender. In fact, I've broken two blenders in the last five years through failed attempts. (OK, OK, fine. One was broken when I left a metal spoon in it while I blended ice cream and sundae toppings, but whatever.) ANYWAY, it turns out it's not that hard. Alls ya have to do is pick the highest speed and voila! crushed ice.  So now I'm enjoying a Donna Reed and watching Glee.

By the way... Glee is awesome. It's the happiest show on TV. I recommend it to anyone who likes music. or drama. or hot guys. or humor. I'm putting it out there now-- 09/16/10. I think Kurt's mom (who died 8 years ago) and Artie (who was paralyzed at age 8) were in the same accident.

When I "like" a facebook, I might really....

I love to write. But sometimes I try to write down what's going through my head, and I just can't make it work. When that happens, I have to be visual.

You just helped your way out of a sale.

Yesterday, I came home from work and was pleasantly surprised to see there was a package waiting for me! It was a surprise, because in three short days I had already forgotten about a fantastic 25% off coupon I used at areopostale.com. I decided to make it a more regular thing, so I set out this afternoon to buy nice bedsheets.

Step 1- search "sheets" at overstock.com
Step 2- reorganize results as "Price: lowest to highest" (I said nice bedsheets, not amazing bedsheets.)
Step 3- click on the first white one I see.
Step 4- am offered a buyer's guide: how to change sheets.

Really? REALLY....?? Thanks overstock.com, but I think I can figure that one out on my own.

Step 5- or CAN i....? What if they have some super awesome way of doing it? What if I've been doing it wrong my whole life?
Step 6- click on link.
Step 7- Yep. Just like I suspected:

Step 8- Yeah, you know what, changing sheets is boring. Forget it, I don't want any more.

The letter C

OK, so about a year ago I got a really wicked kidney infection, and waited a few days worth of high fevers and semi-consciousness to go get medicine. And then, the combination of seclusion and strong medicine made me quite loopy, and I came up with my most brilliant revelation ever.....

THE LETTER C IS USELESS!!

See, here's the thing. Letters make sounds. We combine these sounds to make words. We have 26 letters, each making a unique sound... except C. C just copies K and S. Think about it... cake, cough, cycle, climb, crumble, cut... all making the K sound. circle, ceiling, celebrate, cinema... S sound. This is true of all words, except ones with the ch digraph. But there, it's making a totally new sound that has nothing to do with the c or the h. I could just have easily as decided to spell the words xhurxh or xhives, and said that "xh" makes that noise.

Then our alphabet would be a nice clean looking 5x5 box:

A C D E F
G H I J K

L M N O P

Q R S T U

V W X Y Z

Now, I totally think this is the most brilliant idea ever. My friends pretty much think I am brain damaged. They challenged me to go a certain length of time not typing the letter C. I lasted about 5 minutes before I saw something sparkly and forgot about it. But I'm going to try it for the rest of this post, and see if I can keep it up.

My letter C (I have to use it there, that'll be the last!) revelation was one of my best. Resently I "invented" a groshery kart GPS to help you lokate food in unknown supermarkets. I have three MSpaint depiktions of this whixh I will post soon. Another "invention" of mine is the leftover kooler, a pop-up kontainer that plugs into your sigarette lighter to keep your leftover food from smelling up your kar. The ingenious part of this invention is the pop-up aspekt, bekause it will easily store under a kar seat until needed. Now, you're probably thinking these aren't suxh great ideas. But that's just bekause you're distrakted by all of the red squiggly underlines, like I am. In fakt, it's so annoying that I'm just going to end this post here.

Spoilers

Last night, I discovered that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was screened in Chicago recently, and full spoilers for the movie were available online.

I nearly had a heart attack.

As I got ready to read the reviews, I shut off all other forms of entertainment to give my full attention to the news. I was as excited to be reading the review as I will be when I go see the movie in a few months. I would have been totally incapable of NOT reading spoilers, even if I had wanted to keep it a surprise. I'm like that with Christmas presents too, as soon as I buy a gift for someone, I want to give it immediately! And I have no idea how people can go an entire pregnancy and not find out if they're having a boy or girl. I think this is because I don't enjoy the feelings of suspense and anticipation. They are too close to anxiety and fear for my liking. Oh, I also almost ALWAYS read 1/3 of a book, flip to the end, and then speed read another 1/3 of the book before losing interest, but I think that's more a symptom of my inattentiveness.

Oh... and the movie sounds amazing. =)

That Damn Polyjuice Potion

You know, I've been thinking about it, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is extremely unrealistic.

There's just no way that Barty Crouch kid could have been able to impersonate mad Eye well enough to fool Dumbledore. And as an author, that's a pretty shitty resolution. The whole "Oh look, the new guy was an impostor all along" bit is kinda worn out, dontchya think? AND THEN, it gets worse! Mad-Eye pops up in the later books, and we're (the readers) supposed to be all like "YAY! Mad-Eye! I remember him!" BUT WE DON'T BECAUSE WE NEVER ACTUALLY KNEW HIM! We just knew that douchy little Barty Crouch Junior ACTING like Mad-Eye. But what is kinda sad about all of this is that the first time I read the book, I was totally shocked by the ending. Every time. And at the beginning of every book, I'd be like "OMG YAY A NEW DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER SHE'LL BE AROUND FOR ALL THE REST OF THE BOOKS NOW YAY =D =D =D" and each time my friends (the voice in my head/my mom/my cats/ whoever) would be like "..... mmmmm.... yeah.... but remember, that job is cursed, isn't it? Meaning no teacher can ever last more than a year? and I'd be all like ".....PFFFFF! Curse-smursh! I don't believe in curses. YAY NEW TEACHER!!!"

This story exhibits two things about me. The first is that I am a gigantic Harry Potter nerd. I have all 7 books on my ipod and every night for the last three years I've fallen asleep listening to them. on loop. The second is that I often fail to anticipate repeating patterns. Every September I just sit around in shock, unable to believe that I need a jacket in the morning. I am baffled by why the trees are all dying. (Side note- look folks, we get all gushy about foilage in the fall and how beautiful it is and shit, but that's just trees' way of getting in the last word before they kick the bucket. You know how your grandpa was all sick for so long, and then right before he died he got well enough to say goodbye to everyone? Yeah. same thing. ANYway...)

OK, So I was saying I fail to anticipate repeating patterns. I'm a stunning combination of unobservant, self-centered, and optimistic, so I overlook things... well, pretty much constantly. So even though I saw Dark Arts Professor after Dark Arts Professor come and go, with each new one I hopefully assumed this one would be different. And it wasn't. :-) 

What I'm watching should come as no surprise, (except that it cost me $15 more to buy it a month ago!)  but what I'm drinking is a little different than usual.

Grumpy Bear was always my favorite

I don't remember creating this, but it was definitely a late night kinda thing! Um... enjoy?

Things I don't like:
Sugarland
Phone books
The Mailman
big ice cubes
wires
wisdom teeth
morning
mold

Added bonus for the illusion in the title