The letter C

OK, so about a year ago I got a really wicked kidney infection, and waited a few days worth of high fevers and semi-consciousness to go get medicine. And then, the combination of seclusion and strong medicine made me quite loopy, and I came up with my most brilliant revelation ever.....

THE LETTER C IS USELESS!!

See, here's the thing. Letters make sounds. We combine these sounds to make words. We have 26 letters, each making a unique sound... except C. C just copies K and S. Think about it... cake, cough, cycle, climb, crumble, cut... all making the K sound. circle, ceiling, celebrate, cinema... S sound. This is true of all words, except ones with the ch digraph. But there, it's making a totally new sound that has nothing to do with the c or the h. I could just have easily as decided to spell the words xhurxh or xhives, and said that "xh" makes that noise.

Then our alphabet would be a nice clean looking 5x5 box:

A C D E F
G H I J K

L M N O P

Q R S T U

V W X Y Z

Now, I totally think this is the most brilliant idea ever. My friends pretty much think I am brain damaged. They challenged me to go a certain length of time not typing the letter C. I lasted about 5 minutes before I saw something sparkly and forgot about it. But I'm going to try it for the rest of this post, and see if I can keep it up.

My letter C (I have to use it there, that'll be the last!) revelation was one of my best. Resently I "invented" a groshery kart GPS to help you lokate food in unknown supermarkets. I have three MSpaint depiktions of this whixh I will post soon. Another "invention" of mine is the leftover kooler, a pop-up kontainer that plugs into your sigarette lighter to keep your leftover food from smelling up your kar. The ingenious part of this invention is the pop-up aspekt, bekause it will easily store under a kar seat until needed. Now, you're probably thinking these aren't suxh great ideas. But that's just bekause you're distrakted by all of the red squiggly underlines, like I am. In fakt, it's so annoying that I'm just going to end this post here.

Spoilers

Last night, I discovered that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was screened in Chicago recently, and full spoilers for the movie were available online.

I nearly had a heart attack.

As I got ready to read the reviews, I shut off all other forms of entertainment to give my full attention to the news. I was as excited to be reading the review as I will be when I go see the movie in a few months. I would have been totally incapable of NOT reading spoilers, even if I had wanted to keep it a surprise. I'm like that with Christmas presents too, as soon as I buy a gift for someone, I want to give it immediately! And I have no idea how people can go an entire pregnancy and not find out if they're having a boy or girl. I think this is because I don't enjoy the feelings of suspense and anticipation. They are too close to anxiety and fear for my liking. Oh, I also almost ALWAYS read 1/3 of a book, flip to the end, and then speed read another 1/3 of the book before losing interest, but I think that's more a symptom of my inattentiveness.

Oh... and the movie sounds amazing. =)

That Damn Polyjuice Potion

You know, I've been thinking about it, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is extremely unrealistic.

There's just no way that Barty Crouch kid could have been able to impersonate mad Eye well enough to fool Dumbledore. And as an author, that's a pretty shitty resolution. The whole "Oh look, the new guy was an impostor all along" bit is kinda worn out, dontchya think? AND THEN, it gets worse! Mad-Eye pops up in the later books, and we're (the readers) supposed to be all like "YAY! Mad-Eye! I remember him!" BUT WE DON'T BECAUSE WE NEVER ACTUALLY KNEW HIM! We just knew that douchy little Barty Crouch Junior ACTING like Mad-Eye. But what is kinda sad about all of this is that the first time I read the book, I was totally shocked by the ending. Every time. And at the beginning of every book, I'd be like "OMG YAY A NEW DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER SHE'LL BE AROUND FOR ALL THE REST OF THE BOOKS NOW YAY =D =D =D" and each time my friends (the voice in my head/my mom/my cats/ whoever) would be like "..... mmmmm.... yeah.... but remember, that job is cursed, isn't it? Meaning no teacher can ever last more than a year? and I'd be all like ".....PFFFFF! Curse-smursh! I don't believe in curses. YAY NEW TEACHER!!!"

This story exhibits two things about me. The first is that I am a gigantic Harry Potter nerd. I have all 7 books on my ipod and every night for the last three years I've fallen asleep listening to them. on loop. The second is that I often fail to anticipate repeating patterns. Every September I just sit around in shock, unable to believe that I need a jacket in the morning. I am baffled by why the trees are all dying. (Side note- look folks, we get all gushy about foilage in the fall and how beautiful it is and shit, but that's just trees' way of getting in the last word before they kick the bucket. You know how your grandpa was all sick for so long, and then right before he died he got well enough to say goodbye to everyone? Yeah. same thing. ANYway...)

OK, So I was saying I fail to anticipate repeating patterns. I'm a stunning combination of unobservant, self-centered, and optimistic, so I overlook things... well, pretty much constantly. So even though I saw Dark Arts Professor after Dark Arts Professor come and go, with each new one I hopefully assumed this one would be different. And it wasn't. :-) 

What I'm watching should come as no surprise, (except that it cost me $15 more to buy it a month ago!)  but what I'm drinking is a little different than usual.

Grumpy Bear was always my favorite

I don't remember creating this, but it was definitely a late night kinda thing! Um... enjoy?

Things I don't like:
Sugarland
Phone books
The Mailman
big ice cubes
wires
wisdom teeth
morning
mold

Added bonus for the illusion in the title

A Day in the Life

Last Sunday, I got up at a reasonable hour, and decided to start on the right foot  I'd have a good breakfast, wear a cute outfit, and... DO STUFF!!!

11:30-  "I should mow the lawn."
11:40-  dressed in good lawnmowing outfit. Heading downstairs.

Now the untimed parts of the story are simply the ones i was away from my computer for.

- I can't mow the lawn without my ipod!
-  Oh, my ipod isn't charged.
-  I'll charge it right here next to my Wii!
-  I have a Wii! I should do my Wii! Fit while I wait for my Ipod to charge.
-  Oops, Rabbit game is still in the Wii!
-  Look for Rabbit game case for 5 minutes
-  Put Rabbit game on table. I'll remember it's there.
-  Decide to start writing down what I'm doing
-  Spend 5 mins looking for pen and paper.
-  I keep using the scale, and I know this sounds all girly and all, but I swear it's 10lbs heavy.
-  I need to create a test to test it's accuracy. I'm thinking 5 lb bags of flour. I'll use the Wii scale and my scale, and weigh just the flour. and then just me, and then the flour and me, and track the results.
-  Both tests were to test balance. The first was simple: The Stillness test. I stood still for 96 seconds! This could be an ADD test. Cause the next time I stood still for 23 seconds.
-  More practicing... and I'm not so bad at yoga! Oh, hot damn! Maybe I can actually work out to yoga! Let's try them ALL!!!
-  OK let me mess with the Wii! Fit settings for a lil while.
-  Wii internet? Oh, yes please!
-  Make Mac and Cheese with hotdogs cut up into little pieces while something installs
-  spend 45 minutes setting up Wii! internet
-  discover ability to buy old school Nintendo games  for Wii! Pick out 4, add up cost, spend $30 in real money on the points to download these games. 
-  First order of business: Super Mario Brothers 3!!!!
-  My teeth hurt. 15 minute hunt for all painkillers in the house.
-  Find Tylenol next to laptop. It is 3:30.
- Do routine internet sweep: Gmail, Facebook, TFLN, Twitter, Yahoo! News, E! News, Mugglenet, Bloggess, Lamebook, Passive Aggressive Notes....weather.com.
-  4:45 There is a little teeny tiny blue thunderstorm two counties west.
-  Hmm. better wait an hour and see what that does.  I'm no weather buff, but I'm pretty sure that's gonna be huge.
-  6:15  What a pretty evening. What a pretty kitty curled up sleeping on my bed...
-  8:45  Wake up with drool in ear. Cats are judging from above. Well, it's clearly too late to mow the lawn now.
-  9:00  Sims/Frontierville/That70sshow/Office/Harry Potter/internet/gchat/facebook/etc for until...
-  2:45am fall asleep with computer running. and wii! downstairs downloading Super Mario Brothers 3. Ipod is still charging. Dishes are out. Bathroom light is on. Cats aren't fed.

Here's the point of that story: my ability to focus is about as strong as my ability to stand still. I really WANTED to mow the lawn, and be super-Anna! I just forgot. And even at 2:45am, I could easily trace my steps backwards and see why my lawnmower sat untouched. It's a slippery slope. One tiny distraction led to another, to another, and so on, until it was too late.

The following Friday (yesterday) I set myself only two goals: mow the lawn, and go to Wal-mart. Friday at 4:30 I mowed 1/4 of the yard, bringing the mowed total to 1/2 (One day between Sunday and Friday, I apparently mowed 1/4 of it. I don't know when.)

That brings me to today. I left for Wal-mart at 3pm. I was home by 5, and considered the trip to be a huge success. But here, my idea was born...

And for inquiring minds... I don't have ANY goals for tomorrow ;) Should be interesting!

Unfinished Business

OK, So I told myself today would be my 2nd and last workday of the week. ALL I had to do was wake up at 7, be there by 8, and stay until 1. Unfortunately. morning Anna had different plans. By the time my phone alarm went off, I had already decided that since all my fellow teachers were done with their required days, that it really didn't matter which day I went in. So I silenced my phone. When I finally rolled out of bed at noon, I discovered that my fellow teachers DID in fact go in to work, and that in my absence, I was picked to be grade level chair for the upcoming school year. This means more work and more responsibility for no more money. Awesome. I'm used to my procrastination and laziness preventing me from assuming extra responsibilities. I never thought it would EARN me a promotion. Not that this is a promotion. You see, this is what you get when you work with your friends. They know you well enough to know how to REALLY punish you.

What I'm watching and what I'm playing

Speaking of what I'm playing, I am a Sims nerd at heart. It was my first video game obsession. The problem is, I learned how to cheat immediately.  So I always start with these unique goals in mind (Current player: single female wants to be rock star.) But try as I may, the games always end the same way: I marry off my player, move the new couple into a new house (which I designed by googling mansion floor plans) and have 6 children. I ALWAYS end up cheating. I give them unlimited money and freeze their motives (imagine how much you could get done IN REAL LIFE if you never had to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or take a shower!) Then I think of a new crazy goal (Let's make this couple perfect gardeners!) and start a new game. There are dozens and dozens of these unfinished games on my computer. Just like the tubs of incomplete crocheted scarves in my spare bedroom, and the countless half-read novels the fill my bookshelves.

But here's the thing. This is a fault that I have no interest in improving. There are plenty of things about myself that I'd like to change, but there are a few "undesirable" ones that I kinda like. I hope one day to be neater, and kinder. But I think I'll probably always start projects that I don't finish. Just like I will always procrastinate.

Working makes me less funny.

So, I'm an elementary school teacher. Which means I've been on paid unemployment for the last 6 weeks. I start back full time a week from today, and I have to work two days this week. The first of which was today. Man, let me tell you, at this point waking up at 7am isn't early in the morning. It's the middle of the god damn night!

Now's probably a good time to mention- I swear. a lot. and often about things that do not require swear words to describe. Sorry if that offends you. I'm not really sorry, I'm just being polite. Or a bitch, depending on how you read it. AAAAANYWAY...

When my phone alarm began beeping this morning, I was standing up reaching for it before I even registered what the noise was. It was just instinct. I got my morning internet perusing out of the way before a quick shower. Minute here, minute there, and suddenly I'm standing in front of my classroom door fishing for the key.  I auto-piloted my way through most of the morning set up. Desks are back. Posters are up. Calendar is correct. blah blah blah.

I was just starting to mindlessly hand out textbooks and assign desks when a teacher poked her head into my room.

"Hi there!" she greeted me. "How was your summer?"

"Hey!! It was great, thanks, how was yours?" I reply, feigning both surprise at seeing this person and excitement over my suckfest of a summer.


"Oh, it was great, just too short!" She responds me, also feigning interest.


"Yeah, tell me about it!" I laugh, making quick eye contact. "It seems like we JUST left this place!"


She smiles and leaves me with "Well you enjoy the rest of your summer!"


"Thanks, you do the same!"

What struck me about this conversation wasn't the tone or the discussion, it was the fact that I had already had the exact same conversation half a dozen times that morning. I've reached the point where I'm auto-piloting my conversations.

 In other news, what I'm watching and what I'm listening to

Who am I?

Part Liz Lemon
Part Stephanie Plum
Part Robin Scherbatsky

And if you're anything like me, those three links will give you at least 30 minutes worth of mindless web wandering. More on Wikipedia Wandering later.

This is a test

Well. I'm biting the bullet and giving the blogging world a try. As long as I can remember, I've felt like I had a story to tell. Problem is, I'm not really sure where to begin. Last year, I went through a very intense phase where I decided to turn my life into a TV show, Anna vs. Life. The idea was it would be part 'My Name is Earl' (with flashbacks and a large reoccuring cast) part 'Sex amd the City' (girl sleeps her way through the first decade of the new century) and part 'How I met your Mother' (I'm not really sure how this one fit in.) Now, since 2 of those 3 shows are off the air, I've admitted defeat. so I'll blog.

I guess I should explain the title of my TV show. On my 27th birthday, I decided to take stock of my life. I guess I could feel it slipping away or something, and in a rare moment of proactiveness, I started a game. Anna vs. Life. I decided at the end of each day I would evaluate: Did I win today, or did Life beat me? I kept track on a google calendar, and took a running count every Sunday. This worked very well for me. My rules were stern, but fair. After all, it was me who made them up! After a year, I am pleased to report the final score was Anna: 297 Life: 68. Not a bad year.

Life since I quit counting hasn't been as great.

But more on that later. maybe.